Where There's a Way

Have you ever heard the saying "where there's a will there's a way?" I think they have it backwards. If there's a way, you are more often to find the will to do it.

Take my piano compositions. Now that I have my computer cart cleaned off and my midi keyboard is sitting there hooked up and recording software open, I find myself recording little melodies whenever they pop into my head.

Have melodies always popped into my head? Sure. But turning on my digital piano, making sure it's connected, turning on my software, hitting record and running back to the piano... I kind of lost the spontaneity of it.

Mind you I can play much more interesting pieces on the digital piano since it's an almost full sized piano - missing only one octave if I recall. My midi keyboard only has four octaves which limits my creativity. But at least I’m creating. The barrier is gone and the way is clear.

What things in your life do you want to do, but find yourself never getting to? What do you say you want to do more of, but just don’t? Do you want to exercise more? Write more? Spend more time with friends? Get around to that hobby of yours? Or even start a business?

Take a look around at your house. Gaze across your messy office. Ogle the exercise equipment sitting there untouched. Does it call to you? Does it inspire you to create? If not, then clear the space and clean out the clutter.

Stop blaming yourself and your lack of willpower for not getting things done. Make it as easy as possible for you to succeed. Clear the way.

How can you clear space and make way for new creations in your life?

Sometimes People Disappoint You

Sometimes things just don't go your way. People disappoint you. That's the truth.

You share something personal, something revealing, with a friend and he reacts like you are diseased and insane - slowly inching his chair away from you. You are left feeling exposed and alone. Now with one less friend.

Or the wonderful idea you shared with your manager isn't well received. He's not interested and your co-workers think it's silly when you explain it to them. You hoped it would bring you the recognition you feel you deserve. Time to go back to the drawing board.

Then there's that job interview that you knew you aced. However, weeks later you find out that despite how great you are, someone else was an even better fit. That life in the new role, the pay bump, new locale and responsibilities are all meaningless now. You feel foolish for even dreaming and now feel trapped yet again in the same old job.

What about when someone forgets to introduce you to an important business contact or to a new group of friends? Or you've walked around all day with what later looked like an entire piece of broccoli stuck in your teeth? Why wasn't anyone paying attention? Didn't anyone notice you?

Sometimes people and situations disappoint you. Inherently you may often think the folowing:

  • She should look out for me
  • He should listen
  • People should like my ideas
  • He should accept me for who I am
  • They should know I'm talented and valuable
  • People should tell me I have brocolli in my teeth

These thoughts can be very painful when people don't follow them like they should. How dare they? Don't they know the rules?

I'd like to reframe some of those thoughts with some new ideas.

Should people look out for you? Well, do you look out for you?

Do you listen to you? Do you hear how you talk about your life? Do you notice the constant dialog running through your mind?

Do you recognize your own skills and know how to promote them? Do you even know what you like to do? Do others?

What about providing yourself with little helpers like a hand mirror to check for teeth salad disasters instead of hoping your friends will point out your brocolli tooth display?

How much are you relying upon others to care for you, support you, be there for you, and listen to you when you likely don't do any of those things for yourself?

The truth is that you can be there for yourself even when others are not.

Instead of focusing on how other people can disappoint, think of all the opportunities where you can speak for yourself and introduce yourself. You change how you see the world based on how you think about the world.

When you rely upon others to take care of you, it's very frustrating. Realize that you get to take care of you. You have more control over your life and what you focus on.

How can you be there for yourself?

What one thing can you do today to make your life better so you feel more listened to, taken care of, and appreciated?

What's the point? Who do you think you are anyway?

Why even bother? Who do you think you are? It's going to take forever anyway. And you aren't any good.  You don't have a degree in it. Your sister's friend's brother's aunt does it so much better than you do.

There are kids graduating college right now with so much more knowledge and skill than you have. You are so old that by the time you finish, they will be making so much cooler stuff, writing much cooler stories, designing way better things.

Why bother?

You don't have time anyway. There are kids to take care of. Papers to write for class. Houses to keep clean. Facebook statuses to keep track of. Websites to browse. TV shows to watch.

And even if you started and found the time, it's probably going to suck anyway.


Are these some of the lies you tell yourself?

Well, I'm here to tell you to 

Cut it out!

If you talked to your friends like that, you'd have no friends! So stop talking to yourself like that. None of that is true anyway.

There is no one on the planet like you nor will there ever be. Yes, you've heard it before, but it's true. You are a unique little snowflake. Just like everyone else.

Anything you love is something you are good at. How do I know? When you talk about it, your eyes light up. Your friends notice. 

And doing what you love is good for you. It makes you feel good. Even taking baby steps towards your goals will act like a ripple effect in your life.

The best gift you can give to someone else is your own happiness.

Whatever you have to give, someone needs it to heal, to move on, to be inspired.

You can heal the world with laughter, stories, new cool phone apps, drawings, beer, you name it. Whatever you want to give, need to express, yearn to birth into the world.... your audience awaits.

What are you afraid of?

We are here. Waiting for you. Take the tinest step. Please. Just do it for us.

Stairs doorway - Master isolated images

Image courtesy of Master isolated images  / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Just Be Yourself

Being yourself. Sounds easy doesn't it? But what about all those rules in your head? All those judgements and knee jerk reactions to the things people say and the looks people give you.

Whenever you get overwhelmed with what to do...

Whenever you get tired of trying to figure it out, trying to be perfect, trying to be something you are not, of forcing yourself into a mold you do not fit...

Whenever you have more questions than you can grab the answers to...

Just find the silence within yourself and just trust.

And if you struggle with the silence. If you cannot be with yourself in silence, in the moment, in the here and now, just pause.

Then look for a tree, a cat, a baby, a cloud.

Then just imagine if that tree, cat, baby, cloud, bird, snail, blade of grass could whisper to you the very message you need to hear right now.


Even if it seems woo woo and crazy and new agey or stupid. Just listen.

We are surrounded by teachers if we only listened.

And when you realize that every glorious message, delicious sound, fantastic idea that comes across the canvas of your mind is flowing through the filter of YOU...

Then everything is a message and you are the teacher. You will hear what you need to hear.

The answer is you.

Now what is your question?

Snail - Simon Howden








Image courtesy of Simon Howden /

Why We Do What We Do

Rule Book - Stuart MilesWhy do we do what we do? Why do we go to work? Why do we eat what we eat? Why do we have the friends we have? Why do we make the money we make? Why do we get out of bed in the morning? Why do we do anything?

Your Rule Book

While I can't answer those questions for you directly, what I can tell you is that you are walking around with a giant rule book in your head. And every experience and outcome is logged in that book. On top of it, every day your mind finds evidence to support those rules.

It does start at an early age. We are socialized by our parents to not pick our noses in public. To be polite. To say thank you. To look both ways before crossing the road.

Those rules were helpful for you as you learned your way. But when you aren't enjoying your life, your rules may no longer serve you. They may be suffocating your truest self, your essential self as Martha Beck would say.

Your Truest Self

Think of your truest self as the person you would be if you didn't worry about hurting anyone else's feelings... within reason of course. We aren't talking no limits, let's stab someone with a fork because there are no consequences, type of true self. Though if that is you, you may want to check yourself into the nearest mental health institution for a nice long stay. But I digress.

If you were born into a family where money was scarce, you may have a bunch of rules about money that make you tense just thinking about them. Your truest self may starving for air.

If your true self is an artist and you were born into a family of accountants, your creative dreams might be buried so deep beneath layers of left brained thinking you may not even know who you are anymore. Some rules may have to go!

Uncovering Those Rules

The easiest way to find a rule that isn't working for you anymore, that has you in its cluthes, is to think of one wild and crazy thing you'd like to do. Once you have it firmly in mind, I want you to say it out loud.

Here's one I think would be popular.

"I'm going to quit my job and move to (insert dream location) and do (dream job)."

And just wait. The thoughts will pour in. All those rules on how to live your life will magically appear. Some of them might even be said in your mother's own voice.

Write them down.

Next, we'll learn how to evaluate and unravel those rules.